Things Rachael and I argue about: Now&Laters

Me: do you know where they sell Now&Laters?
Rachael: Why?
Me: ....so I can eat them?
Rachael: are you sure?
Me: uh...yeah
Rachael: is it for a girl?

Question and Answer, and FAQ

Q: Is Rachael your wife?
A: No, nor is she my girlfriend. Nor was she ever my girlfriend. Nor do I understand why she thought she was.

Q: You have to be making this up
A: God's honest truth, these are all either AIM conversations, Gmail conversations, or when it's neither, it is a damm near verbatum. Talking with her is truly one of those cases where my best offense is letting her do the damage herself. It's like the John Kerry campaign. Whenever he shut up and let Bush do all the damage, Kerry gained approval points. In the end, all I have to do is copy word for word what she does, and I don't even need to spin it.

Q: Did this really happen?
A: YES. ALL OF THIS REALLY REALLY HAPPENED

Q: If you brought a girlfriend home, would she be in danger?
A: Yes. In fact, I feel I am in constant danger

Q: Why don't you just ignore her when she bothers you?
A: She won't leave my room when I ask her too. When I try to leave, she closes my door and stands in my way. She prevents me from leaving. It is impossible to ignore her. What would you do?

Q: Would you call her by another girl's name and see what happens and then please post?
A: No lie, one time I called another girl "Rachael" accidently, and Rachael was offended. Does that make any sense at all? One time, a girl called another guy my name in bed, and I loved it! That was the greatest accomplishment of my life.

Q: I don't know how you put up with this
A: By making this blog. It's my only window in this prison of madness

Q: I think you can go public with this blog, start making bumper stickers that say "WWRD"
A: What would Rachael do? She would accuse me of all of her problems. I do not need random people off the street blaming me for their daily misery, so I will not encourage this trend.

Q: Would you like to go to M street with me tonight?
A: Do you have any idea what kind of pain Rachael would put me through if I did anything without her?

Q: What do you want for your last meal? I'll make arrangements.
A: A bullet, please

Things Rachael and I argue about

Wednesday

Now&Laters

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