Vegetarian

Jessica is another good friend of mine from Clemson. I've known her almost as long as I've known Ama. Jessica was my roomy for about two years, and before that, she was "the guy on the couch" which is awesome.

So, a few days ago, Rachael and I decided to be a vegetarian to loose some of unhealthy weight. I like telling this to people in my usual jovial manner, like "GUESS WHAT! I'M A VEGI-SAURUS!" and everyone gets a good laugh, and I feel pretty funny. Along those lines, have you ever IM'd someone something, and they respond "lol"? Rachael told Jessica that we're going veggi, and Jessica lol'd back. That's what set her off...


Rachael: jessica is laughing that we are eating vegetarian (Hehehe, yeah it's pretty silly that i'm going vegetarian) whatever (woooooah, slam on the breaks. she's pissed about it. well, it's okay I'll explain it)
me: she's probably laughing with because she's a veggi too. or was
Rachael: no she is apparently and laughing at you not eating meat (This is where Rachael defends the fact that Jessica MUST be laughing at her. She gives that sarcastic "aparently" too)
Rachael: and id ont think there is anything funny (nobody thinks it's funny, dummy. She must have just lol'd a responce. Soooo I'm going to explain that)
me: I think you are mistranslating it
Rachael: hrm. ok. it must be me then (ug, with the martyr complex again!)
Rachael: shes laughing because she doesnt think you can be a vegetarian (ohhh, thanks for the misconstrued translation...otherwise I would have thought you were crazy) so then i suppose she thinks i'm forcing it on you (what! hahahahahhaha where did that come from. Yes, Rachael actually said that)
me: she told you that she thinks you're forcing it on me? (this statment was me trying to expose the fact that Jessica never said that, and once again, rachael made something up)
Rachael: she said 'as long as i've known walter he has eaten lots and lots of chicken, so i dont see him not going without it' (hehe, sounds like my Jessica!)
Rachael: but you arent going without it so thats why i'm confused in the humor (people who are friendly always laugh responces. "Q: Did you see that awesome show on TV? A: Hehe, yeah!" see? it's just a jovial responce.)
me: I think you don't see the humor because you're in a bad mood
Rachael: actually i wasnt in a bad mood
Rachael: thanks (woohoo, sarcastic "thanks" to put me right in my place.)
Rachael: explain the humor to me?
Rachael: because i didnt get it and somehow that makes me freakin' stupid or a bitch (awww, cry more please)
me: how does that make you stupid, or a bitch?
Rachael: because you've changed your talkign to me, talking down. i dont get it! whats so funny about it?
me: well basiclly I know she's not laughing at me. so if she laughed, it's with me
Rachael: well what are you two laughing at that i'm not?
me: huh (really, I can't comprehend what's going on in her head)
Rachael: you said she is laughing with you
me: someone can laugh out loud, and not make it at someone's expense. that's what this is
Rachael: well then obviously i dont get it and you wont tell me (it's a big secret! I won't tell her that Jessica is laughing with me and not at me. omg! Also, I know who assasinated Kennedy)
Rachael: so you will talk down to me instead (*scratches head and scrolls up, looking for me talking down to her*) my apologies for being a dumbass as usual (you got it right on the nose that time, martyr)
me: okay, you know the thousands of times you've said something, and I've responded "lol"? (translation: can I dumb this down for you a lot?) this is exactly like that. I'm not laughing at you when I say lol
Rachael: i just get defensive when someone laughs about a decision i made in my life for the better (dude.... She. Was. Not. Laughing. At. You.)
me: she's not laughing at
Rachael: and i was hoping that you were serious about it like i am (What I am getting from this is "Because Jessica is not laughing at us, you are not taking this seriouslly")
Rachael: shes laughing because she doesnt see you ever doing it
me: nope . she's laughing a response like I do all the time
me: none of my friends have ever laughed at me. I promise you that
Rachael: well maybe she wasnt laughing at you in particular, maybe it was the fact that she doesnt see you doing it and that it was forced on you by me so she thinks its funny (again, where did that come from?) and you think its funny (huh?) so its making me feel like i have to defend my choice (not my fault you're a dummy)
me: I still don't see how you think she thinks you're forcing it on me
Rachael: SHE DOESNT SEE YOU BEING A VEGETARIAN
me: soooo? (hahahaha, soooooo?)
Rachael: nevermind. you dont get how it made me feel, and its nothing to get into. not worth it
me: I get exactly how you feel, and I'm telling you that you shouldn't feel that way, and explaining why. How could I not know how you feel? you told me like, a dozen times (the convo sorta ends here. Either she decided to stop fighting about it, she vented enough to feel better, or she realized why she shouldn't be upset. The convo sorta neutraled out after that)

Dog poo

Mid July. Our next door neighbor has several sisters that come over. One of the sisters is pregnant. Rachael took her dog out, then came back in. She came into my room and looked at me with this super serious glare.

Rachael: Since I have to clean my dog's poo inside, you have to clean up your dog's poo.
Me: Huh?
Rachael: Since I have to clean my dog's poo inside, you have to clean up your dog's poo.
Me: What do you mean
Rachael: The neighbors just yelled at me. Their daughter stepped in dog poo. So you have to start cleaning up your dog's poo outside. [With the look in her face you'd think I stole money from her purse. No joke, she was angry with me]
Me: Why are you taking it out on me?
Rachael: Because they yelled at me!
Me: [I pause to let it sink in that she should take it out on me. I think she got the point. To diffuse the charged atmosphere, I tried to get her talking about it. Hopefully it will make her feel better...] Which nighbor yelled at you? The pregnant one?
Rachael: No, the hot skinny blond one, because I know that's what you're thinking

I don't even know where to begin to correct her on that one.

Christmas presents

Several things you need to know about this one. Ama made me a scarf for my birthday. Secondly, Rachael and I keep having arguments on gift giving. She seems to be in the school of thought where a more expensive present means more love.

Rachael: *looking through a catalog* Hey look at this *points to an expensive gizmo*
Me: That's pretty hot!
Rachael: I'm going to get you this for Christmas
Me: No no, that's so expensive, don't get me that for Christmas. Don't feel like you have to get me anything for Christmas
Few seconds where she gets all silent and shakes her head
Me: What's wrong?
Rachael: I want to get you that, but apparently it's not good enough for you

Oh oh, it gets better!

Me: I really don't want anything for Christmas. I don't measure friendship based on the expensiveness of a present
Rachael: Do you let other friends give you presents?
Me: I guess?
Rachael: Then why do you accept it from them, but you won't accept a present from me?
Me: Because it's not a big deal to me. It's just a present, and I'd rather you save money
Rachael: Well I'm sorry if I don't know how to make a scarf *storms off*

Bathroom door

Rachael: Why did you lock the bathroom door?
Me: for privacy?
Rachael: are you afraid I'm going to come in there?
Me: no, just a privacy thing
Rachael: yeah right, you don't trust me
Me: How did you know the door was locked?

Eating

The other night, Rachael and I woke up from a late nap. It was about 9:30 PM on a weekend. Groggy, I suggested we go to a dinner. She agreed. We didn't say much because we were both tired.

During dinner, my friend called, and I answered. It was Juice, and he just finished reading Narcissos. When I write, sometimes I copy and paste tidbits that I've written down before and want to reuse, which occasionally means I repeat myself. He noticed this in Narcissos, and told me about it, and we both had a good laugh. We hung up the phone when my dinner came, and I noticed Rachael was giving me a horendous evil-eye.

Now, I can imagin and overly sensitive person getting upset because I inturrupted dinner. That would make sense. But no, she got upset because my friend made me laugh, and she hadn't. Like, she got angry with me because she wasn't the one that made me laugh. She got so angry that she got up and left dinner.

Privacy bubble

Rachael likes to ask questions that prod us into a fight. For instance...

I closed my door a little while ago for privacy. Nothing big going on, just closed my door. She bursts into my room a little while later and said "I saw a spider and I was calling for you, why didn't you come?"

She was getting at the fact that my door was closed. I have a feeling that she knew my door was closed, so she yelped quietly in order to highlight the fact that I can't hear her if my door is closed. Of course I fell into her trap and said, "Beacuse I couldn't hear you."

"Why was your door closed?" she demanded. The real answer: Mainly to keep this sort of noise out of my room. But really, it doesn't matter why. The fact is, her asking why it's important is worse than not knocking. It went downhill from there...she told me that I'm allowed to come into her room whenever I want, therfore, she should be able to come into my room. She was screeming so I told her to get out of my room, so I could resume relaxing. Of course she refused to, since she's determined that my space is rightfully her space. So I sorta tuned her out. I don't know how this ended because I ignored her until she left. Or did she leave? I dunno, she could still be behind me right now.